No Parkay Here

Just butter. If you look closely you can see at least four finger channels. I then noticed a buttery trail from the countertop to the cabinets and down the floor (was that why my sock felt odd?) Apparently, Sam had a hard time getting it off his fingers so he spent some time painting it off. Below is an approximate re-creation of events:

Twins decide they deserve a 'reward' m&m, but Mom is upstairs with Sam folding clothes

Patrick and Isaac move double-step stool to kitchen

Patrick and Isaac get down m&m bag and carry to closet

Mom and Sam go downstairs to check out squealing and giggling

Mom finds twins in closet downstairs with door shut

Mom finds immediately apologetic twins with their mouths full of chocolate sitting in the closet in a pool of m&m's

Mom leaves Sam to usher twins to bed for mandated early nap

Sam crawls up chair to tabletop to have crayon-eating contest with Biscuit the Cat

Mom comes downstairs to find Sam in middle of kitchen table eating crayons

Sam put on floor, Mom pushes in all chairs and heads upstairs

Mom has a 'talk' with twins upstairs

Sam finds cool double-step stool left handily by kitchen counter

Sam has butter tasting/smearing in kitchen

Mom comes downstairs and notices butter looks...well, odd

And for the award for best rapidly-disintigrating situation, the winning moral of the story is...

don't leave baby Sam alone for a second? don't leave Patrick and Isaac alone for a second? Sam needs more fat in his diet? Mom shouldn't be using a cop-out food-based reward system? Everything's better with blue baby bonnet on it? Butter all over the Land o Lakes? I can't believe it's all buttery?